I like money. I use it to buy stuff. Mostly, I buy food and gasoline. If I had more money I might buy an Apple iPad.

My son is an outfielder for a local Little League baseball team. Twice this year, we had a team party at the house of one of the coaches. I'd like to think that I am not materialistic, but as I surveyed the driveway, garage, living room, and backyard, I found myself being a little envious. A lot actually. Jacuzzi, pool, R.V., flat screen TV, ATVs, pool table, hybrid SUV. Yup, they had all that.

I kept telling myself that I didn't really want any of it, that it would be fun for a while but that the fun wouldn't last. I am sure this is true and I am sure that once the fun ran out I would just want to go and buy more stuff. Still, though, I wanted at least some of it. A taste, anyway. A better car, perhaps, would be nice. As my grandma used to put it, "Just a smidgen."

This is my first blog so I figure I would use this to tell you a little about myself. I grew up in your stereotypical southern Christian home. But I never really felt like my faith was my own. It was my parents and because of that I didn't want to have much to do with it. In high school I was a swimmer and a basketball player and got into the party scene. My weekends were spend over indulging in drinking and marijuana. I got pretty deep into smoking weed and by the time I got to college I found myself doing it everyday. But I always felt something was missing. I was made for more and I knew this. I could feel it in my gut, in my soul. God was calling me. But I didn't want him. I wanted my own selfish and fleshly desires and I was going to pursue those until I found my life in shambles.
and I did.

I have gone through a lot of hard times that I have brought upon myself these last few years, but they have also turned out to be a blessing. I am a new person. God has redeemed me and more importantly provided me with the one thing I need most in life: forgiveness.

I am not who I used to be. However that does not mean that my sinful desires do not arise in me. In fact it is quite the contrary. I fight against my flesh daily. And to be quite honest, it often wins. But the times I overcome it, it is a victory for God.

I don't know where I'm going in life, but I know God is leading me and that's all I need to know.

A few weeks ago I was browsing my local video store when I stumbled upon a DVD entitled "The Case for a Creator" by Lee Strobel. I had never read or watched any of his work before but I had heard positive things about him, so I picked it up and took a closer look. The price was really good and the synopsis on the back of the box sounded good so I bought it. I just wasn't sure how long it would be before I got around to watching it. After all, documentaries are not exactly a Saturday night popcorn and kids kind of movie. When I got home I set the bag containing the unwrapped DVD on a shelf. That's where it sat untouched for several weeks.

This weekend my daughter told me that she didn't want to be a Christian. Before I get to that though, let's rewind a bit...

My parents raised us three boys to be independent. This was both intentional and unintentional. Intentional in that they wanted to make us into adults that could think and act on our own. Unintentional in that they both had to work long hours to make ends meet thus leaving us to fend for ourselves a lot of the time, beginning as young as 8-years-old.

Overall I like how my parents did things because I think I turned out okay, eventually. With my own two kids however, I am trying to minimize how often they "fend for themselves" while still empowering them to be free thinkers. My daughter turns seven in a few days and my son just started middle school. He is eleven. To facilitate this free-thinking-ness, I encourage honest conversation about the things we all three do wrong personally, from lusting to lying. On the whole, I am very strict about the movies we watch, but I use any "bad" moment in a movie as a teaching opportunity.

Last night I went to a church in Watts to deliver a carload of balls and art sets that will be handed out to the children for Christmas.

The first time I ever visited Watts was two years ago as part of a 5-day/4-night mission trip. That's a whole other story. Needless to say, at that time, I was terrified of the idea of going to Watts. Visiting Watts was literally on my Top 10 List of Things I Don't Want to Do. Jumping out of an airplane, being burned to death, and drowning to death were also in that same top 10. On our team's last night in Watts we walked through the neighborhood to get to a local restaurant that had food to die for - pun intended. As our team of mostly white people walked the streets, I felt kind of like we were a militia in a foreign land and the enemy was lurking behind any one of the windows on either side of us. I thought for sure that at any moment we would be fired upon and would have to duck or run for cover.

On most weekday mornings, before I go to work, I head into the local Carl's Jr. for a breakfast burrito and a coffee. I order my meal, fill up my cup, sit down, pray with my eyes closed and head bowed, and then open my Bible to whatever page the Spirit leads me. Today I read a few stories about Jesus including one where he encounters a man who had been crippled for several decades (John 5:1-15). When Jesus asks the man if he wants to be healed, the man's reply is something like "Of course, but I don't have anyone to help me. Everyone else is always getting healed." Jesus heals the guy and tells him to get up and walk and carry his mat. Then Jesus disappears. It turns out that the healing took place on The Sabbath, a day on which no work was supposed to be done, including healing or the carrying of one's mat. When the self-righteous religious leaders notice that the long-time crippled man is carrying his mat they become indignant and question him about it. He immediately shifts the blame to the man who had healed him. "He said to me, 'Pick up your mat and walk.'" But when they ask who the mysterious healing lawbreaker is, the man doesn't know. A little while later, Jesus reappears and tells the man "See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you." As soon as Jesus leaves him again, the man runs off (on his newly healed legs) and rats Jesus out to the religious leaders.

The healed man in this story screams out to me, "Victim! Victim! I am the victim! My debilitating circumstances are completely outside my control and therefore I do not have to take any responsibility for anything. You -all of you- owe me." The Bible's account of the story pretty much ends off where my version ends off so we don't know what happens to the man later, but the end of the story as made available to us shows that the man was not only ungrateful for what Jesus had done but perhaps even resentful. He didn't want to be healed! He was content to wallow in self-pity and to shift blame when possible. He had probably spent the last several decades perfecting the art. Now he would have to do something with his life. All of his blame-shifting tricks would no longer work. At worst, he would have to come up with new tricks. At best, he would have to learn an actual trade.

It's been a month now since I posted Part 1 and Part 2 of this blog. In case you didn't read those entries or can't remember, here is a recap: Approximately two months ago, I made a decision to get rid of 70% to 90% of my possessions. In part two, I posted photos of the "To Give Away", "To Keep", and "To Sort" piles. I also mentioned that I had my cell phone temporarily turned off so that I could fast from my "Everything" plan.

Now that you are caught up, here is the latest.

As indicated previously, I kept my phone off for only one week, but I downgraded my plan to just allow for a limited number of calling minutes and text messages. I no longer have a data plan which means no more Facebook, GPS, email, Dodger games, etc. on my phone. I am still having withdrawals but it is definitely for the better. My kids certainly have benefited from it. During a trip to a theme park when I still had the "Everything" plan, I was checking the status of the Dodger game every 10 minutes! It was difficult for me to make the right decision but it proved even more difficult to act it out. My cell phone service provider does not allow people with fancy phones like mine to downgrade their plans online. They expect us to use the data plans. So, I had to call them. That didn't work out so well either because they kept having "computer problems". My call even got mysteriously disconnected once before they were able to downgrade me! In any case, it's all done now.

Regarding the three piles, the "To Sort" pile is long gone. I now have a "To Keep" pile that is two to three boxes bigger than before, and there are only a handful of items in the "To Give Away" pile that I still need to give away. Most of the boxes went to the Salvation Army, but several bigger items went to even better use. A friend of mine needed a computer so she got my old Mac. Even better than that, though, is that the same week that I sorted most of this stuff out, a homeless couple I know acquired a new home and needed to fill it. Having been homeless for several years, they had almost nothing. Now they have my old TV stand, one of my desks, some of my old DVDs and books, a lot of my kitchenware, and lots of other things! A friend of mine helped me deliver my stuff plus some of her own things that she no longer needed. I must say that there aren't many joys greater than the one you experience when you show up with a truck full of goodies in the middle of the projects in Watts. We felt a bit like Saint Nicholas or something!

Before writing this blog entry, I dropped all of the remaining "Give Away" boxes at the Goodwill. Before I loaded them into my car, I double checked them. Although I don't think it to be completely horrible, I am at little dismayed that I pulled some things back out of these boxes so that I can keep them. I have been wrestling with this question, "For me and my possessions, who owns who?"


Be sure to read Part 1 and Part 2 of this Blog too.

"Community" is a trendy Christian buzz word right now. Luckily, this - and other hot topics like social justice - are great trends in my mind, because it feels like we're getting more serious about actually reading what the bible commands and then looking at ourselves and our churches to see how well we're obeying. Just so long as we don't get so caught up in the ideas that we forget the bigger purpose behind them of making Christ known.

I think community has become a relevant topic to me because I see more and more how important it is - and how amazing it can be. Especially for an introvert who is not inclined towards living life in community. But what I'm referring to is not just small groups from church, or hanging out over coffee or a meal with friends - specifically I mean the type of community that is on mission together. The kind that exists when you all share a similar mindset, passion, purpose and calling. When that community spurs one another onto good deeds and lifts each other up when the vision and passion get lost in weariness or frustration.

I got sucked into working out with the Fitness Manager at my 24 Hour Fitness today. I walked in, stopped at the front desk to have my card scanned as usual, and he stopped to ask what I had planned for my workout that day. Now, they have a pretty friendly staff at my gym, but I kinda had a feeling that he wasn't just asking to be nice. I used to have his job, I know how it works. This is how you sell training.

A few minutes later I'd agreed to let him give me a workout (meaning, convince me how badly I need training from him for an hour, then back it up with a 25 minute workout). But I was feeling lazy and unmotivated that day, and knew I could use the push. I've also been asking God for opportunities to meet people at the gym, at the store, in my neighborhood, etc., to build relationships and reach those who don't yet have a relationship with Jesus. I figured this was an open door, so I took it.

"The essential feature of irony is the indirect presentation of a contradiction between an action or expression and the context in which it occurs."

I live in Orange County, and I recently heard that if Orange County were it's own country, it would be the 5th wealthiest country in the world. Earlier this week, I was invited to attend a fund raising event for some organizations whose goal is not only to raise awareness of dire issues in Africa and other parts of the world but also to do something about it.

Tonight I attended the event which was held at a local outdoor mall. The event took place in an area about the size of half a football field. The central focal point of the event was a stage where a handful of musicians performed songs to entertain the crowd. Behind the stage was a Ferris wheel.