God hears our prayers and really will hold us through the hard times. I hit some very low points in the end of last year on my journey out of the desert and back to Orange County and it wasn’t easy to walk away from the financial security that came with cheep Antelope Valley rent and a stable income at the casino but I had to get out because I wasn’t happy there.

 

I had a plan to go back to school; I did for a while and loved it until I hit a few bumps in that road and my world came crashing down around me, hard. Thank God for a couple of really great friends who talked me threw that time and reminded me who I am because I was lost. I knew I needed to get a job and put off school –again- and I was crushed at that realization of this. I didn’t want to move backwards, I didn’t want to have a job waiting tables where I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere and I didn’t want to go back to the casino life where I knew I could do very well for myself but be miserable with no energy or time for my children, I didn’t know what was going to happen or what my life would come to and for the 1^st time I can remember I was hopeless. That scared me more than anything because I’ve been threw some tough times in my life and I’d never felt as lost as I did this past year.

 

I’ve been threw gut wrenching break ups, I’ve faced teenaged pregnancy and having to tell my Roman Catholic grandparents about it. I’ve been threw a long drawn out divorce and nasty down right dirty custody battle. I’ve been betrayed by some of my closest friends and shut out by my father. My mother (who I love very much) and I have had our fights where I’ve thought that’s it, I’m never talking to this woman again. All of this and nothing I’ve been through scared me as much as this past year did. In everything I’ve been through in life I had a plan, or maybe even 10 or 20 plans. I’ve always been full of ideas for myself. I found myself blank, there was nothing; I found myself hopeless for a better tomorrow. For once in my life all dreams were crushed and I couldn’t see options. I wrote a blog on myspace titled “black” it wasn’t long just said nothing matters, I felt void. That was back in December and thank God for myspace because in writing that I got a phone call from a friend that pulled me out of my despair and said snap out of it, pull it together and figure it out.

 

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I want out of life and what I want to do with my time. Kids were 1^st of course and then I started thinking about everything else that I really truly wanted out of life. I wanted a job I could be passionate about, a job I could feel good about and a job that would be flexible with my lifestyle and the things I do with my kids. I wanted a job where I could go to Josh’s baseball games and Jordan’s field trips where I can take a day off if one of my kids is sick so I can care for them like a mother should. I wanted a 3-bedroom place here in Orange County so that each of my kids can have their own room. I didn’t have any of this or any clue how I was going to get it and it all sounded like so much to be asking for when I had nothing but I held tight to my new hope. It wasn’t too much to ask for because it’s what I need so I prayed harder than I ever prayed before and I wept as I prayed I remember praying for a job not just any job but one I could have fun with one that I could honestly say I enjoy, something I can be truly passionate about not the casino not waiting tables. I prayed to be able to stay in Huntington where my kids could grow up near the ocean and in better schools and I held the pillow and I begged for God to work on this miracle for me.

 

HEY guess what, I love my job. I work for 24 hour fitness and I can honestly say that I enjoy the hell out of it, not that it’s easy it’s not but I’m getting better I’m learning a lot and I’m making money by helping people better themselves and that just feels good. I got to go to Joshua’s play off games and my boss bent over backwards to get it done, I went on fieldtrips with Jordan’s class and got time off to see her in the 3 piggy opera. We’re living out of boxes and there’s more than I can deal with in everything I have to do, including getting my things from storage, but it happened!!! I’m in a 3 bedroom in Orange County with a job that I can honestly say I love and I have time for my children.

 

Thank God… no really Thank, and Praise be to God because where I am today is truly an answered prayed and yeah I had to work for it but hope and faith in Him and the support from friends who He placed in my life for a reason pulled me from the darkness I came from and I can honestly say that I’m dancing in the puddles from the storm that passed and am excited about re building my life with a smile and a joyful heart. And in this message the 2^nd ½ of my prayer has been answered a prayer to not forget Him once I’d gotten it. I prayed to remember the fear pain and lost feeling of hopelessness I prayed for him to pull me out of the darkness and into the light and I prayed that once I was standing in the glory of the clear skys after the storm passed that I would remember that I’m here because of His mercy and grace I’m here because whole heartedly I asked to be here and now it’s time for me to share His hope and truth with the world. I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am today if I didn’t have real relationship with God and I am eternally grateful for that.

~Thankful~ Joleen
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:) Thanks Holly - JM

Poor Beaver... Too bad many people in the world miss the point to it all. To busy to enjoy what\'s right in front of them. I want to hear about sally the screwy squirrel. =) LOL

I like this article/blog; it is a beautiful place to be – living in the joy of Gods love and feeling the accomplishment in being able to spread that love to others. I’m struggling with the ability to do that not because I am unwilling to share Gods message and His love but because the harshness of the world around us has hardened the hearts and closed the minds of several people whom I love and who I’m afraid I may have to let go of because I cannot allow myself to follow them down the path they have chosen. You seem to have control over your world and I feel as though people I care for are slipping away from me and as much as I want to tell them they do not want to hear about Gods love, forgiveness and mercy. I’m at a loss where all I feel I can do now is pray. - JM