This is my first blog so I figure I would use this to tell you a little about myself. I grew up in your sterotypical southern Christian home. But I never really felt like my faith was my own. It was my parents and because of that I didn't want to have much to do with it. In high school I was a swimmer and a basketball player and got into the party scene. My weekends were spend over indulging in drinking and marijuana. I got pretty deep into smoking weed and by the time I got to college I found myself doing it everyday. But I always felt something was missing. I was made for more and I knew this. I could feel it in my gut, in my soul. God was calling me. But I didn't want him. I wanted my own selfish and fleshly desires and I was going to pursue those until I found my life in shambles.
and I did.

I have gone through a lot of hard times that I have brought upon myself these last few years, but they have also turned out to be a blessing. I am a new person. God has redeemed me and more importantly provided me with the one thing I need most in life: forgiveness.
I am not who I used to be. However that does not mean that my sinful desires do not arise in me. In fact it is quite the contrary. I fight against my flesh daily. And to be quite honest, it often wins. But the times I overcome it, it is a victory for God.

I don't know where I'm going in life, but I know God is leading me and that's all I need to know.

This last week on Santa Monica Blvd, our team met at our usual place at the usual time, a Del Taco parking lot at 11:00pm. While we were in the middle of praying as a team before going to the streets, four new friends from the street joined us. After prayer we discussed plans for the night and they said that they wanted to join us for the church service that would be starting at midnight. I was "paired" up with Kayla and Han and we decided that the three of us should walk the street with these four, getting to know them better, until the service started. During introductions, they all four gave us pseudonyms. I forgot one of them (because I forget everything plus they changed names during the night), but the other three were "Steve", "T", and "D". Prior to our team closing our eyes for prayer, I had noticed these four men and a couple other guys whispering in each other's ears and being shifty with their hands. After the seven of us had crossed the street together, two of the men, "D" and the one whose name I can't recall, started making illegal business deals with others at the donut shop. To say that I became nervous was an understatement. I immediately turned to Han to ensure that he was praying and, when everyone else was distracted, I quickly sent the following text message to our remote prayer team: "Our group might be being used as a cover 4 something shady. Pls pray 4 safety and discernment." My text reply was, "Got it." After that, I focused primarily on talking with "Steve" while Kayla spoke with "T", the two guys who were not performing transactions. More details about Steve and T are below suffice to say that these two were the only new friends to join us for the midnight church service.

This week I was paired up with Jen (and Han as our prayer support) to go out on the street and share the love of Christ. After a few minutes of walking up and down our stretch of Santa Monica Blvd, we found a prostitute wearing a miniskirt and high heels standing alone in the cold waiting for his next customer to drive up. Jen and her bubbly personality got the conversation rolling quickly and so it took mere moments to learn that his name is "Natasha" and that it was his birthday. We also learned that he is writing an autobiography detailing the various hardships in his life and how he has overcome them. He volunteered to us that he has spent a lot of time alone lately just reflecting on his life and considering ways to improve it. Very early on in the conversation, Jen asked Natasha what he would like prayer for. Natasha quickly suggested that we pray for God to help him with his book. Well... we spoke with Natasha for roughly thirty minutes and most of that time was focused on empathizing with Natasha's pain and frustration with things like the self-perpetuating prison system and parents who abuse and neglect their children instead of loving them. Natasha had lots of things to say and we were there to listen... and agree. At the end of the conversation, we asked again what he would like prayer for. This time, he was too choked up to give a proper answer. With tears in his eyes, he said, "Just that God would give me..." But Natasha couldn't finish his own sentence because even he wasn't sure what it is exactly he is searching for.

As we said our goodbyes, I gave him a hug and wished him a happy birthday. We invited him to the Refuge church service and he said he would join us shortly. Later, he did actually come by for a few minutes but he left shortly after getting a plate of pizza.

Please pray that Natasha keeps searching for and eventually finds God.

I have another story to share about my time on the streets of Hollywood last night. To anyone who is thinking, "didn't you just share a story about last night?" the answer is yes. My other story entitled "Enthusiasm for a Parking Lot Church" was about a woman named Essence. If you haven't read that story yet, you should. It's a good one. :)

Well, while our small group which included Essence was having discussions about the sermon last night, I would occasionally look around to see what else was going on around us. (There is always lots of crazy activity going on out there. Last night, some young drunken clubbers who were all friends got in a *fist fight* over who got to sit in the front seat of their car! It all took place just a few feet away from us!) Almost every time I looked up, one of the other ladies from the street was looking at me. This is odd for (at least) two reasons. First, we don't encounter a lot of real women on these streets and last night we had at least four in our church service. Second, it wasn't just one of them. Three ladies were like taking turns. And it wasn't coincidence either. They had to turn their shoulders to see me. So, anyway, after our little discussion group broke up, one of the ladies approached me and I finally got to learn why she kept looking. (The other two will remain a mystery.)

Last week, while hanging out on the streets of Hollywood with Broken Hearts, I met a real woman who calls herself Essence. (Many of the "women" we meet on the street are actually transgenders and transvestites.) I had just invited Jamal, a very familiar face, to our church service when Essence overheard and, with an attitude, exclaimed "You aren't going to church!" Jamal and a few others from the street walked to the church service with us. Essence stayed behind. Apart from the power of the Holy Spirit, I can't explain why Essence actually came to the parking lot where we meet for church service a few minutes later, on her own. She looked very out of place and bewildered as we passed out pizza and welcomed people into conversation. She reluctantly accepted a slice of pizza and then stayed for the message about "Playing the Victim" (the story of the man healed at the Pool of Bethesda and the story of Paul, Silas and the Jailor in Macedonia).

Last night, I spotted Essence in the Del Taco right after I arrived. When we made eye contact, she didn't recognize me immediately and had a look of disinterest. Then her face exploded into a smile as she figured out who I was and exclaimed, "Is there church tonight?!" When I told her that there was and that I was telling another story, she turned to the four or five friends who were with her and announced with enthusiasm, "I'm going to church tonight!"

On most weekday mornings, before I go to work, I head into the local Carl's Jr. for a breakfast burrito and a coffee. I order my meal, fill up my cup, sit down, pray with my eyes closed and head bowed, and then open my Bible to whatever page the Spirit leads me. Today I read a few stories about Jesus including one where he encounters a man who had been crippled for several decades (John 5:1-15). When Jesus asks the man if he wants to be healed, the man's reply is something like "Of course, but I don't have anyone to help me. Everyone else is always getting healed." Jesus heals the guy and tells him to get up and walk and carry his mat. Then Jesus disappears. It turns out that the healing took place on The Sabbath, a day on which no work was supposed to be done, including healing or the carrying of one's mat. When the self-righteous religious leaders notice that the long-time crippled man is carrying his mat they become indignant and question him about it. He immediately shifts the blame to the man who had healed him. "He said to me, 'Pick up your mat and walk.'" But when they ask who the mysterious healing lawbreaker is, the man doesn't know. A little while later, Jesus reappears and tells the man "See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you." As soon as Jesus leaves him again, the man runs off (on his newly healed legs) and rats Jesus out to the religious leaders.

The healed man in this story screams out to me, "Victim! Victim! I am the victim! My debilitating circumstances are completely outside my control and therefore I do not have to take any responsibility for anything. You -all of you- owe me." The Bible's account of the story pretty much ends off where my version ends off so we don't know what happens to the man later, but the end of the story as made available to us shows that the man was not only ungrateful for what Jesus had done but perhaps even resentful. He didn't want to be healed! He was content to wallow in self-pity and to shift blame when possible. He had probably spent the last several decades perfecting the art. Now he would have to do something with his life. All of his blame-shifting tricks would no longer work. At worst, he would have to come up with new tricks. At best, he would have to learn an actual trade.

It's been a month now since I posted Part 1 and Part 2 of this blog. In case you didn't read those entries or can't remember, here is a recap: Approximately two months ago, I made a decision to get rid of 70% to 90% of my possessions. In part two, I posted photos of the "To Give Away", "To Keep", and "To Sort" piles. I also mentioned that I had my cell phone temporarily turned off so that I could fast from my "Everything" plan.

Now that you are caught up, here is the latest.

As indicated previously, I kept my phone off for only one week, but I downgraded my plan to just allow for a limited number of calling minutes and text messages. I no longer have a data plan which means no more Facebook, GPS, email, Dodger games, etc. on my phone. I am still having withdrawals but it is definitely for the better. My kids certainly have benefited from it. During a trip to a theme park when I still had the "Everything" plan, I was checking the status of the Dodger game every 10 minutes! It was difficult for me to make the right decision but it proved even more difficult to act it out. My cell phone service provider does not allow people with fancy phones like mine to downgrade their plans online. They expect us to use the data plans. So, I had to call them. That didn't work out so well either because they kept having "computer problems". My call even got mysteriously disconnected once before they were able to downgrade me! In any case, it's all done now.

Regarding the three piles, the "To Sort" pile is long gone. I now have a "To Keep" pile that is two to three boxes bigger than before, and there are only a handful of items in the "To Give Away" pile that I still need to give away. Most of the boxes went to the Salvation Army, but several bigger items went to even better use. A friend of mine needed a computer so she got my old Mac. Even better than that, though, is that the same week that I sorted most of this stuff out, a homeless couple I know acquired a new home and needed to fill it. Having been homeless for several years, they had almost nothing. Now they have my old TV stand, one of my desks, some of my old DVDs and books, a lot of my kitchenware, and lots of other things! A friend of mine helped me deliver my stuff plus some of her own things that she no longer needed. I must say that there aren't many joys greater than the one you experience when you show up with a truck full of goodies in the middle of the projects in Watts. We felt a bit like Saint Nicholas or something!

Before writing this blog entry, I dropped all of the remaining "Give Away" boxes at the Goodwill. Before I loaded them into my car, I double checked them. Although I don't think it to be completely horrible, I am at little dismayed that I pulled some things back out of these boxes so that I can keep them. I have been wrestling with this question, "For me and my possessions, who owns who?"


Be sure to read Part 1 and Part 2 of this Blog too.

"Community" is a trendy Christian buzz word right now. Luckily, this - and other hot topics like social justice - are great trends in my mind, because it feels like we're getting more serious about actually reading what the bible commands and then looking at ourselves and our churches to see how well we're obeying. Just so long as we don't get so caught up in the ideas that we forget the bigger purpose behind them of making Christ known.

I think community has become a relevant topic to me because I see more and more how important it is - and how amazing it can be. Especially for an introvert who is not inclined towards living life in community. But what I'm referring to is not just small groups from church, or hanging out over coffee or a meal with friends - specifically I mean the type of community that is on mission together. The kind that exists when you all share a similar mindset, passion, purpose and calling. When that community spurs one another onto good deeds and lifts each other up when the vision and passion get lost in weariness or frustration.

The following is a true and very sad story about a young man who was thrust into a bad situation without his consent but is now quickly approaching death through his own choices and actions.
This last Friday night, I was at one of my favorite places to be, the streets of Hollywood. The beginning of my night was spent introducing roughly 20 first-timers to our street ministry. After prayer as a large group, we separated into groups of twos and threes and headed out onto the sidewalks to strike up conversations with addicts, prostitutes, security guards, merchants, and the like. This Friday, I was grouped with a man and his young daughter. Since there were a lot of first-timers out that night and because my two partners were a bit shy, I spent a lot of time just showing them around. We also spent a lot of time in prayer. We prayed for the men going in and out of the adult book store, the security guards, police officers, and more.

The three of us were praying in the 7-11 parking lot when one of the first-timers came up to me to ask what our options were for helping get people off the street. If he meant what I thought he meant, then it was all that more important to continue the praying so I asked my two partners to continue praying while I went just a few feet away to meet the person who wanted to get off the street.

...On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”

Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life... You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.”


I don't think that people should only come to Christ when they have nowhere else to turn - he is far more mighty and holy than that. But at the same time, the saying, "when God is all you have, you realize that God is all you need" holds very true for many people. When we have other things to turn to, other idols, dreams and desires we'd rather pursue - or just don't want to face the hard teachings of Jesus - it's hard to recognize our need for God. His power and greatness can be watered down by these other things we put our hope in. Ultimately, where else are we going to go when these idols prove empty and helpless to us? He has the words of eternal life. He is love and goodness and grace when the flesh fails - why go elsewhere?

I was reminded of how true this is in Broken Hearts last night (and why we're called Broken Hearts!) I talked to Jukka, who basically said these exact things. He has absolutely no where to go, he has no possessions but the clothes on his back, and absolutely nothing to lose if he leaves his current life behind.