Stubbornness and Death [*]
I recently went to the doctor for a routine cancer checkup, not because I am paranoid or because I currently have cancer, but because it’s the wise thing to do when you have battled cancer before like I have. My doctor is what is called a “Doctor of Osteopathy” or simply a “DO”. In a nutshell, a DO is a doctor who doesn’t just treat the symptoms but instead treats the whole patient. Since my cancer had been in my throat and my throat is now easily agitated, my doctor, once again, asked me about my drinking habits. Specifically, he asked me about my coffee consumption because he knows that I am a coffee addict and because coffee can upset my stomach enough to cause acids to rise into my throat. It doesn’t take a DO (or MD or rocket scientist) to figure out that acid probably isn’t good for my throat. When I effectively told him that nothing had changed and that I was still consuming multiple cups per day, he went on to give me the same old speech about how I need to change my ways… blah, blah, blah.
I know that my doctor has my best interests in mind, but I love coffee. Yes, my throat does become “raw” at times, and I occasionally even lose my voice, but I can’t see myself giving up coffee for these minor annoyances. There is more to the story though, as there often is. My doctor also addressed my eating, sleeping, and work habits, all of which affect the health of my body. I have a strong propensity toward fast food and a tendency to stay up late and wake up early. I am told that if I eat healthy foods, keep a regular sleep pattern, and keep stressful activities to a minimum, I should enjoy life for years longer than I should expect with my current habits. Boiling it all down, I am taking the fast lane toward death, my doctor is giving me advice about how to change lanes, and I am refusing to obey. I am being obstinate and it is to my detriment.
My story is not unusual. I am certain that you can relate in some way if you are honest with yourself. So why do we do this to ourselves? I wish I had a good answer for you. What I have instead are a handful of reasons why we should not do this to ourselves. Before I get to those reasons though, consider the following.
The ancient law of the Hebrews mandated that parents should take a stubborn child to the city council and have the child stoned to death. Seriously! The death penalty was mandated for stubbornness! In early colonial days in America, adultery was punishable by death too! Today, murder is still punishable by death in many U.S. states. There are lots of reasons why the death penalty exists that I can’t get into, but one way of looking at the continued existence of the death penalty is as a response to extreme stubbornness. “Hey, if you don’t stop killing people, we will have to kill you! …We mean it! Don’t make us come get you! …Stop! …Ok, this is your last warning. No more murdering! …That’s it. Now we have to kill you.”
Certainly, ignoring my doctor’s advice won’t land me in the gas chamber any time soon. Furthermore, countless children disrespect their parents daily, adultery is all but expected in today’s society despite the damage it does to families, and roughly 17,000 people are murdered in America each year. These are four rather different views of how stubbornness is acted out and each has different natural and external consequences, but all are destructive in some way.
Dictionary.com provides these definitions for “stubborn”:
- unreasonably obstinate; obstinately unmoving.
- fixed or set in purpose or opinion; resolute.
- obstinately maintained, as a course of action.
- difficult to manage or suppress.
- hard, tough, or stiff, as stone or wood; difficult to shape or work.
As a bonus, here is how Dictionary.com defines “obstinate”
- firmly or stubbornly adhering to one’s purpose, opinion, etc.; not yielding to argument, persuasion, or entreaty.
- characterized by inflexible persistence or an unyielding attitude; inflexibly persisted in or carried out.
- not easily controlled or overcome.
- not yielding readily to treatment, as a disease.
Being stubborn gives us the false assurance that we are in charge of our destiny. We are stubborn because being otherwise is a way of conceding that we are wrong and that some one else is right. Stubbornness can also be used as a façade for strength, whereas the opposite might be seen as a form of weakness. Here is a classic Aesop fable that speaks to this:
A mighty oak tree was uprooted by a gale and fell across a stream into some reeds. “How have you reeds, so frail, survived, when I, so strong, have been felled?” asked the oak tree. “You were stubborn and wouldn’t bend,” replied the reeds, “whereas we yield and allow the gale to pass harmlessly by.”
Staying true to one’s word and having solid moral values are good things to be sure. Also, having personal standards that you refuse to alter is a good thing and is not to be confused with stubbornness. Stubbornness is the unwillingness to submit to external pressure in spite of the seemingly obvious reasons to do so. The majority of California drivers are stubborn in that they refuse to obey the speed limits. A politician who acts in opposition to his constituency is stubborn. A man who refuses to cheat on his wife is not stubborn, but a man who refuses to listen to his wife’s side of an argument is.
Having considered all this, now what do we do? Remember the ways of the oak tree and the reeds in the story. Do not confuse stubbornness with strength. Sometimes it is okay to bend, to give way to someone or something else. Even when we are absolutely convinced that our way is the right way, we need to take at least a moment to consider what might be wrong with our way and what might be right about the other. I will conclude with this epitaph that was printed in the Boston Transcript many years ago:
Here lies the body of William Jay
He died defending his right of way
He was right, dead right, as he sped along
But he’s just as dead as if he’d been wrong.
